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Today, I started my new job. The first thing my boss says to me is that I would have to take my nose stud out as it was against company policy. I don't have my nose pierced. It's just a big white head. FML.
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Today, I got an email from a university I had applied for grad school saying Your application status has been updated. I had received a rejection email from them a week ago. I hastily logged in to my application page thinking they ...
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FML. Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML. Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and ...
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Miscellaneous : Today, I found out my father is getting married. They have been planning for 6 months and I found out only after receiving the invitation. To make ... Read more.
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Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend. He put his hand on my chin and tilted my head upwards for a kiss. I thought he was going to give me a gentle peck, but it turns out he wanted to make out as he sucked and slobbered on my ...
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Today, as I was shaving in the shower in preparation for date night with my husband, he thought it would be funny to sneak up and scare me. I had plenty of ideas for how to spend our first date night in six months, but swabbing a ...
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Love : Today, my boyfriend of 6 months changed his Facebook status from "In a Relationship" to "Single." When I asked him, he said "I meant to tell you last ... Read more.
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Today, I lost my wallet with 300 dollars in it as I was going to run some errands throughout the day. Later on, it managed to find its way back to my mailbox, emptied to the last penny with a note saying, Don't worry I rewarded myself.
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Today, I was getting ready and pouring boiling water into a thermos when I saw my neighbor walking her dog. She waved at me and I naturally waved back. I forgot that I had a thermos in my hand, and I waved it all over myself causing ...
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She criticized the job in every way possible, saying how any living thing on Earth can do it, or how pathetic it is. As we walk by the greeter, he says to me Hey, you're working Sunday right? FML.
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Miscellaneous : Today, I started my new job. The first thing my boss says to me is that I would have to take my nose stud out as it was against company policy. I ... Read more.
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Today, I took my driver's test. There was a woman waiting to cross the street in the middle of a block, nowhere near a crosswalk. I slowed down to let her cross, but she waved me on so I continued on my way.
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Money : Today, I lost my wallet with 300 dollars in it as I was going to run some errands throughout the day. Later on, it managed to find its way back to my ... Read more.
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FEM beefs: My first FML submission. Today my 6 y.o. godson left me the most adorable message EVER. "Auntie E, I want you and Uncle P to go on a date tonight. I want you to go to the movies, I want you to go to dinner..." ...
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Today, I woke up to a loud grinding noise. I followed the noise to the kitchen, where I found my boyfriend shoving my iPhone down the garbage disposal. When I asked him why he did it, he said It wouldn't stop staring at me. FML.
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Today, the dance pole that my roommate, friend, and I bought and put up a week ago broke into four pieces. It was $225.00. Also, there is now a hole in our wall and my landlord is coming to put the air conditioning in soon. FML.
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Miscellaneous : Today, I was supposed to wake up at 7:30AM to get to class on time. I'd set three different alarm clocks last night to ensure my waking up on time. ... Read more.
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Here are my top 5 FML of the week: Today, my physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire. FML Today, I discovered that the wintergreen breath mints I've been taking for a week now, are actually circular, flavored, white and green ...
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FML I totally got the stomach virus, too... FML. Feeling a little bit better today. Even though I pulled my ass out of bed this morning to go to class, feeling like shit - this guy doesn't put his notes and shit online, and his tests ...
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The reason he broke up with me is because I wrote on facebook that I was excited to finally have a job and get some money. Since I didn't write anything about him in my status he believes I care more about money than him. FML.
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